I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
