hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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