my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
