i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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