Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
