So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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