Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
