my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Well I just put wine in my tea
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
