Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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