There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
tell me about the eggs
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
