id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
