We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Randomize
