Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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