I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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