I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
