on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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