You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
