Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
