apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
