walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
