Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
