OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
