i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
