hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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