Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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