Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I am naked and annoyed.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize