as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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