I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
This is classic penis vs brain.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
