She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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