We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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