I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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