also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize