I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
only you would photoshop your dick
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize