Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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