I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
These tits shall not be calmed
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
