I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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