I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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