I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
