It's just like the Real World with babies
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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