I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
