Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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