Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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