Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
