Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
