called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
