I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
