You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
