Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
