the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
