I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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