dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
