I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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