They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize