can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
