Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
