doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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