i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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