is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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