A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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