After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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