Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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