Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
