Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Never let your siblings swipe right.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
