He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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