I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
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