I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
