Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
