No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Sorry about my life...
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize